T's Weaning Food Lunch Box:
boiled apple,
mashed pumpkin, veggie and wonton,
pasta chicken broccoli gratin

I found myself good at creating new obsession in an already packed daily schedule. My new preoccupation is keeping a record of the time we arrive at the nursery... The up side about this is that I will be more punctual if I am more obsessed.


Today T and I were all prepped almost 40 minutes before our usual time for departure, even though the night before was another eventful one. However, we ended up being 10 minutes late due to ill-connected public transportation. Yet, it was over all an early day!

I have to confess that my potential to be an unpleasant daughter in law was uncovered after T was born. Over the past year, periodically I will have some unreasonable and uncontrollable hate thoughts toward my families, native as well as legal. It is difficult to say whether postpartum melancholy is to blame, but they definitely are derived from my resentment to, and anxiety over, patriarchal society, its restrictions on womanhood, motherhood, and nursing. Everything that is taking pace around me looks suspicious of patriarchal intentions. There are certain causes giving birth to these suffocating thoughts for sure, but I am not entirely sure how long I am justified to linger in them. It almost feels like walking in the purgatory. I am constantly torn between my moral conscience and unconstrained emotion. Nothing serious has happened so far, but I feel it's eroding my faculty of reason, and I am becoming contagiousness venomous.

Social structure is destructive in this way, it obliges its member to fullfill a designated role, but when one is too aware of the structure, he becomes too conscious to enjoy the blessing of ignorance.