T's lunch box

Until today I couldn't smell anything at all for a while as my nose was entirely blocked and I was breathing like a fish. It happened so quietly and suddenly that I was shocked when I failed to detect T's need to change diaper. Then the same thing occurred twice during the day.

At first I thought it was the annual attack of hay fever, but it got complicated by the cold which I caught from runny-nose T. Seeing the baby helplessly struggle with nose water is much worse than suffering from it myself.

Baby shumai for T

I was brought down two days ago by the cold, the hay, an year-long sleep-deprivation, and probably constant self-disappointment, and eventually succumbed  to exhaustion and fatigue.

There are plenty of things that I have to do during this spring break, and sick call is simply a luxury that I can hardly afford. Having said that, I am aware of many cases in which friends or acquaintances were defeated by work stress, and rest is usually the only remedy.

But anyway what would come has come, and I just need to stop before anything can be resumed.

Life is complicated by combined symptoms of hay fever and cold, and sometimes I just do not know which is bothering me more. It's just like that I no longer know whether it is my subjective perception or the unjust social environment around me that is annoying me. Or both?

Sometimes I wonder whether it is really necessary to live so consciously and therefore bitterly as a social being.

Sometimes my ill temper confuses me, and of course others too, and I know not the cause and recent any consequences triggered by the anger.

Perhaps not a single cause can be separated so clearly from another in the world; perhaps after all it is my own lack of judgment that has made me feel miserable. I am locked in my own imagined misfortune.