Suicidal Thoughts

There were several times over the past month when I tried to cross the motorway to enter the campus, I cared nothing about the cars rushing towards me. Seeing vehicles approaching, my brain virtually went blank, and it was usually only at the last minute that I suddenly realized the potential danger and stepped back in time.

It felt like an attempt to kill oneself, but it wasn't true, I think. It is quite mysterious. That feeling alienated the physical self from the thinking self and provided immediately a third-self viewpoint. The sense of self-alienation came from the very heart of the architecture of sentiment and presses hard against nerves after it happened.

These days, absolute concentration on work has been keeping me peaceful and leaving me in quietude, but still, sigh, the world is not only about the enjoyment of work.