Mid-career crisis?

Yesterday was just another teaching day during the time of the pandemic. Nothing special about the day: I drove to the campus, sanitized hands over and over gain during the 4 hours on campus and drove back immediately after the classes were over. The class material was something that I have liked and used in class for some years. However, the class discussion did not go as satisfactory as I had imagined, and I was burdened with a feeling of exhaustion and disappointment. It is an essay about disillusion about religion. Usually my take on the essay is about the issue of conformity and language and epistemology. The presenter's choice is religion and faith. I think I was too worried that the class discussion would turn into a discussion about theology, and I also implicitly sought to avoid such discussion about religion in a class where most of the participants do not have a faith. I suddenly sounded very awkward and rigid in my instruction on the class discussion, and I also felt lost in what I could say and what I wanted to comment. My attempt to change the direction of discussion from religion to something more sociological and philosophical shocked me. Why would I prevent the chance for students to discuss about religion? I thought I believed that most students were not interested in the topic. Yet, I also realised that they were very competent in engaging in abstract discussion. I was shaken by my own efforts to refrain them from speaking about something important in their lives (faith and religion) and failed to grab the chance to explore a new aspect of the essay. I was also disappointed at myself for not being able to respon quick enough to guide the discussion more effectively. What frustrated me as well was my deliberate negligence of students' mental level to kick off a discussion. I remember I was proud and full of rebellious ideas when I started to teach; in the past two years, however, a sense of downward turn has been looming large and started to frighten me. I was faced with my own intellectual incompetence, something that has been harrassing me since I realized that there would never be a hope for me to have a full-time career